How can we stay close when stress has lowered one partner’s sex drive?

Short answer

Stress can make desire less likely by taking up attention, energy, sleep, and emotional capacity. It does not automatically mean a person has lost attraction or love. The helpful response is support and communication, not persuasion.

Talk about the stress, not only the sex

Try asking, “How are you coping lately?” before asking about sex. A partner may be dealing with work pressure, caring responsibilities, money worries, health concerns, or relationship tension. Listen without treating their explanation as a promise that desire will return on a particular schedule.

Share your own feelings too. You can miss sexual closeness while making clear that you will not push for it. Both experiences can be true.

Choose closeness that feels welcome

Ask what support or affection would help. It may be practical help, protected rest, a hug, a walk, talking, or quiet time. Do not use affection as a way to manoeuvre toward sex. The person who feels stressed should be able to accept or decline touch freely.

Stress reduction is not always within a couple’s control. Small changes can help some people, but you do not need to solve a partner’s stress to earn sex.

Seek support for ongoing distress

If stress is persistent, overwhelming, linked to anxiety or depression, or affecting daily life, encourage professional support. A clinician can also help when a sustained change in desire may relate to medication, health conditions, pain, or other causes.

Sources and further reading

• NHS: Stress (accessed August 2026)
• NHS: Low sex drive (loss of libido) (accessed August 2026)